{"id":4149,"date":"2021-05-11T05:32:31","date_gmt":"2021-05-11T05:32:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.withinnigeria.com\/gist\/?p=4149"},"modified":"2021-05-11T05:32:31","modified_gmt":"2021-05-11T05:32:31","slug":"gay-activist-bisi-alimi-shares-interesting-journey-to-fatherhood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.withinnigeria.com\/gist\/2021\/05\/11\/gay-activist-bisi-alimi-shares-interesting-journey-to-fatherhood\/","title":{"rendered":"Gay activist Bisi Alimi shares interesting journey to fatherhood"},"content":{"rendered":"

Bisi Alimi, a popular Nigerian gay right activist, has taken to micro-blogging platform, Twitter to share his interesting journey to fatherhood.<\/p>\n

Bisi, who married Anthony Davis in 2016, took to his social media space to reveal that he\u2019s about to adopt a child with his husband and he opened up about the process.<\/p>\n

He disclosed the conversation he had with his husband, the concerns he had about his child or children being accepted by his Nigerian family who are not so tolerant of his sexuality, and also the conversation he had with his husband\u2019s mother.<\/p>\n

Speaking about his husband\u2019s mother, he explained that when they told her they were in the process of adopting a child, the woman who has two other children who do not want kids, said: \u201d Who would have thought that it is the gay that will give me grandchildren.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bisi said he is meeting his case worker this week for home inspection after he and his husband moved to a larger home in preparation for their larger family.<\/p>\n

He added that he and his husband can\u2019t wait to meet their \u201ckids\u201d.<\/p>\n

Our journey to adoption; a \ud83e\uddf5
\n*****************************
\n2yrs ago, husband and I after several weeks of deliberation decided to adopt. There are options opened to us, including surrogacy.<\/p>\n

When we met we actually said if we don\u2019t have a child\/children by the time we are\u2026.<\/p>\n

45years we should forget it. On the eve of my 45th birthday, we had the conversation again and this time there was still that nagging question, biological children or adoption or a mixture of both.<\/p>\n

We have few friends offering to help, but we also have many people\u2026.
\nAsking us for help. However, there is a bigger issue, as a Black Africa man and listening to conversations about adoption and adopted children while growing up in Nigeria, I was not sure if adoption will \u201cother\u201dmy children. As a gay man, I am already dealing with bullshit<\/p>\n

One day at an event in the city, I met a very nice mid-career Black gay man, let\u2019s call him Tom. We were just the two Black gay men at the event. I guess that made us connect even more<\/p>\n

Tom and I got so close after months of chatting and meeting for drinks. He told me about his husband and children and how wonderful they all are, but he didn\u2019t tell me two things.<\/p>\n

After we became really close, I asked about his children and that we have been considering expanding our family and not sure if we should adopt or go the surrogacy way.
\nThen he opened up to me; it was not just that Tom\u2019s two sons are adopted, he was also adopted and has become a very strong advocate for encouraging Black queer families to adopt.
\nI rushed home and told my husband about this, this chat with Tom helped but still leaves room for more questions. I guess the biggest was \u201cwhat will my family say?\u201d These are group of people who already came to the conclusion I am a disappointment.<\/p>\n

I know I can deal with their hate, but am I at the point where my children can see their grandparents? Will I be comfortable to introduce them to their cousins, aunties and uncles?
\nI don\u2019t want to raise my kids away from my history, my journey, my truth. I want them to know me and be proud of me, but I also don\u2019t want to expose them to people questioning them.
\nAfter many thoughts and support from many close friends, husband and I decided to adopt, and this means we have to open ourselves up to scrutiny. Everyone told us to be ready for the invasion of our privacy by the state.
\nWe wrote to @adoptlondonuk and within few days got a reply and were invited for few sessions. After that we had to make up our mind if this is what we wanted.<\/p>\n

By this time I was moving really fast to 46, and then my husband for no reason suddenly developed cold feet, he became scared and thought it was a bad idea; we are two very busy people, we can\u2019t make this work.
\nI am also a man of little faith, I wanted him to give me reasons why we shouldn\u2019t do this and I will jump on it, and he did. But the funny thing is. We did too late.<\/p>\n

There was also the question around age, if we are going to adopt, I wanted a baby or a toddler as I am very nurturing but husband wants slightly grown up.
\nWhile we were thinking about this, we told my mother-in-law who lives in Australia. Well, the thing is, she has three kids, my husband being the first. The other two, a boy and a girl have made it very clear, they don\u2019t want kids<\/p>\n

The announcement that we are thinking of having kids got my mother in law excited and over the moon, I still remember clearly what she said \u201cwho would have thought that it is the gay that will give me grandchildren\u201d<\/p>\n

We had a good laugh over that, but we also silently live with the guilt of not delivering<\/a> and how disappointed she will be. We reached out to Tom who by now is our adoption mentor.<\/p>\n

Few days after the chat with Tom, we wrote to the agency saying we want to do this. We were sent forms and all to fill, and we did. Few weeks back, we got the email assigning our case worker to us. We were over the moon.
\nThis week we will meet our case worker for home inspection. Just to be clear, we had to buy a new house so we can have a bigger space for our kids
\nWhy am I sharing this? To be honest I have no clue, I am just sitting here having dinner and thinking about this and getting really excited and teary and maybe this is just my own way of therapy and support.
\nAs a gay man from Nigeria, I never thought I could find love, marry<\/a>, and now about to be a father without having to at any point deny who I am or lie to anyone.<\/p>\n

To the baby on the way, dads can\u2019t wait. To people looking to adopt, please do it. To Black Africans in the U.K. there are many Black kids looking for forever home, we should stop allowing tradition to deny them of that joy
\nWe are the one that can change this blockage culture and tradition is causing for Black kids and keeping them in a system of care that do them no good.
\nFIN<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bisi Alimi, a popular Nigerian gay right activist, has taken to micro-blogging platform, Twitter to share his interesting journey to fatherhood. Bisi, who married Anthony Davis in 2016, took to his social media space to reveal that he\u2019s about to adopt a child with his husband and he opened up about the process. He disclosed […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":4150,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":[],"jnews_primary_category":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[1505,1504,1506,1507],"class_list":["post-4149","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-celebrity-gossip","tag-bisi-alimi","tag-gay-activist","tag-interesting","tag-journey-to-fatherhood"],"yoast_head":"\nGay activist Bisi Alimi shares interesting journey to fatherhood<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.withinnigeria.com\/gist\/2021\/05\/11\/gay-activist-bisi-alimi-shares-interesting-journey-to-fatherhood\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Gay activist Bisi Alimi shares interesting journey to fatherhood\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Bisi Alimi, a popular Nigerian gay right activist, has taken to micro-blogging platform, Twitter to share his interesting journey to fatherhood. 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