How people choose to break up, and the reasons why they do so are quite many but the effect is almost always the same.
Breakups trigger an emotional roller coaster which begins with denial and eventually ends with acceptance.
It is often said that closure is needed to trigger this journey. When you get closure from your former partner, you have all the answers you need and then you can truly accept that that phase is over, and concentrate on moving on from your former relationship.
To finally come to a point where they accept that that phase of their life has ended, many people try to go through the route of getting closure from their exes. And that’s just fine if he or she agrees to have the necessary conversations. When they refuse to have these conversations, however, what do you do?
These five options below provide accurate answers:
People have long sought closure once a relationship ends. It is hoped that this will help soften the blow of the heartbreak.[Source: Essence]
1.Have your purge – one way or another
Whether they refuse to meet up or not, and whether they refuse to acknowledge your demand for an explanation or request for conversation, you should still go ahead and have your say.
The emotional purge you need to make to get those things off your mind, the things you need to get out of your system, get them all out!
If you’ve been asking your ex for a closure convo and he’s gone radio silent on you, write a letter, send an email, leave a voicemail.
Don’t let your pride or fear prevent you from getting what you need to get off your chest.
Don’t leave things unsaid and unexpressed. Let them out one way or another.
2. Your timing could be just wrong
You need to also accept that maybe… just maybe you are asking questions that are too early to talk about for your ex. Maybe they are hurting just as you and their way of dealing with pain is to give it time in the hope that it’ll hurt less after a while.
Giving it time could help put things in perspective. Getting a closure right after the breakup maybe impossible, but with the passage of time, you may get clarity and yes, you and that ex may even finally get to sit down and actually close that chapter properly.
3. He does not care that much – so shouldn’t you
If he knows that closure is important to you but he’s not making himself available to make that happen, your relationship wasn’t as special as you thought it was. And he doesn’t deserve another conversation. Period.
4. Set boundaries
Setting boundaries is what helps to remind you that if things were so awesome, why are you trying to get closure in the first place?
5. Never forget… closure is overrated
You need to realise, more than anything, that you can actually heal and move on without getting closure.
Whether or not that desired conversation is granted, you can continue living a full, rich and productive life. You can steer yourself away from that place of hurt and rebuild a loving life and relationship with someone else.
You have to believe this, because it is nothing but the truth.