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A Child is Not Your Property
the experience often makes us blind to the fact that everything is changing, and what was relevant in your childhood or late teens, may turn out to be absolutely pointless in the life of your child
We bring up our kids with the thought that we know what the best for them. Sometimes we get a little bit overprotective. You are trying to do the best for your kid, without even asking his or her opinion. You clearly think that your child should be grateful, as you’re trying for him/her and for his/her future. And, of course, you know the best, as you are an adult and you have an experience.
Unfortunately, the experience often makes us blind to the fact that everything is changing, and what was relevant in your childhood or late teens, may turn out to be absolutely pointless in the life of your child. It all ends up with your child blaming you for ruining his/her life and treating him/her as your property. Let’s have a deeper look at the common mistakes of parents in order to avoid them.
1 Choosing Their Friends
Of course, you can pick up the right school or the right college for your kid. But your kiddo’s friends is not your territory. You can’t pick friends for your child. Remember your childhood when your parents forbade you to communicate with your friends? Sure you weren’t happy about that. Even if your folks turned out to be right and you’ve acknowledged it later, it was terribly painful for you in your teens. Moreover, your kid is probably much more free-willed then you was at his or her age, albeit trying to separate your child from his or her friends would instantly make you an enemy in his or her eyes. The best thing you can do is give your child your opinion on his or her friends. Mind that you should do it in a polite way. Give your advice on whom to your mind your kid should be friends with. But it shouldn’t be your monologue, but rather a dialogue with your kid. As through the dialogue, you can figure out whether you are right or wrong about your kiddo’s friends.
2. Trying To Avenge Yourself
Another typical mistake that most of the parents make is trying to avenge their childhood dreams using their kids. You’ve always wanted to become an actor, but your parents forced you to abandon that idea? That’s probably the right reason to force your kid into taking acting classes. Have you ever asked you child whether he or she plans to become an actor? Oh, yeah. Sure he or she wants to become an actor. Even if not, your kid will love it with time. It’s your dream, so your kid must materialize it… wait a minute. Were you happy when your parents forced you into getting a grade in economics? Nope. Why? Because they forced you into it. No, why your kid should have different feelings about his or her parent forcing him or her into something? Your kid is not your property, he or she is a separate human being and you need to acknowledge it.
3. Choosing Their Partners
Now, the worst thing you can do is to tell your kid who he or she should go out with. First, you need to figure out whether or not you are a crazy overprotective parent. If not, you can see that this kid’s partner is good, while this one is a poor choice. If you are a crazy overprotective parent, then all of your kid’s partners are going to be bad for you. The main point, they shouldn’t be good for you, but they should be good for your kid. If you are not a craze overprotective patent, and you see that your child’s girlfriend or boyfriend is using him or her, don’t try to separate them by force. It goes the same way as with your kid’s friends. Talk to your kid, a kind advice may work way better than a rude intervention.