Just the other day, I saw a tweet on my timeline which documents the frustration of a sister who gets pushed to the back and disrespected every time her younger sibling gets into a relationship.
The sister apparently becomes unbothered by anything or anyone else every time she’s in a relationship. Eyes unwaveringly set on the prize is her mantra, apparently.
My younger sister becomes extremely rude and disrespectful anytime she has a man in her life, she got married in 2017 and it became worse. I get insulted, but family keeps saying you’re the bigger person, forgive her, I’m done with her, I’ve shut her out for life.. I’m fine alone https://t.co/CC3VlEE7SU
— 9to5withAwele (@9to5withAwele) January 17, 2019
Seeing that tweet set me on a path to considering how people’s minds really work in romantic relationships, and how these relationships should be juxtaposed with other relationships in order that one lives a rich, multi-faceted life with healthy interpersonal relationships.
Being that human beings are complex and can function in more than one dimension, we surely have the capacity to be in more than one kind of relationship and to balance the different angles of our lives adequately. But capacity does not translate to reality many times, apparently
So the question that naturally flows from this is; what’s most important, and in what order do other important things in your life come?
Of course, at the moment when you get married, your relationship with your spouse climbs up the ladder. It is only second to the relationship you have with yourself. In other words, no matter how much you love your partner, you always have to look out for yourself. Your partner loves you but they couldn’t possibly be tasked with something like that. It’d be a stretch too far.
Love your partner with all you’ve got, but love yourself more. Don’t let yourself wither in the nurturing of someone else.
Always have time for yourself. Marriage should not even take that from you. [Source: LovePanky]
Following your relationship with yourself and your partner are other relationships – kids, professional relationships, friendships, your maiden family, your spouse’s family, etc. All things come after you and your partner. The relationship in that marriage should be on your mind at all times, and before all major decisions.
When it comes to other things that should matter aside your immediate family, communicate with your partner on how best to approach them. How to relate with inlaws and each other’s families, for example, should be something you want to discuss so as to help each other through the early awkwardness that often besets people just meeting their spouses’ folks.
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