Relationships, be it courtship or marriage are beautiful when spent with the right partner. A partner who loves and cherishes you, who understands your love language, who gives boundaries to the opposite sex and is always truthful to you, is what many craves. However, many of these qualities are lacking in relationships as many come on social media to state their anger and displeasures.
Cheating is gradually becoming a norm these days as you see around us – including online. There is hardly any day you log online and won’t see any stories on cheating partners.
A man recounted how his long time fiancé of 9 years got married a day after she was still with him. He later discovered she had been dating another guy for some time without his knowledge.
There are stories of wealthy men who move around with side chicks, unknown to their wives. The sad story of the death of billionaire Michael Usifo Atanga who was stabbed by Chidinma, his 21-year-old girlfriend revealed the man had been cheating on his wife before meeting his untimely death is a good example.
Not only men cheat, women have also shown to be very active these days. Married women cheating in their husbands; there have been countless stories of married women caught with single guys in NYSC camps. This is just one of many stories about women cheating on their partners.
Cheating is subjective!
There are different perspective to cheating; while some believe it is physical, others believe you can emotionally cheat on your partner. Overall, cheating is dependent upon the agreements you have with your partner. The end goal of cheating is betraying your partner’s trust. This could manifest itself in a full-blown physical affair, an emotional affair, or an online interaction. Fidelity means loyalty and action from a partner that betrays that is cheating. Being loyal to your spouse means not shifting your emotional focus elsewhere. Since cheating is cloaked in secrecy, the person is doing their best not to arouse suspicion in their partner.
Whether the affair is purely physical or emotional, the signs of cheating are always there, though often subtle.
So, your instinct tells you he/she is being unfaithful. Deep in your heart of hearts, you sense something has gone wrong with your relationship but aren’t sure.
In this article, we’ll take a look at these subtle signs that prove your partner is likely cheating on you.
Sign #1 – Sudden Change in availability of their time.
This sign comes first because it is usually the first thing that happens to a cheat. Spending quality time together is a good sign of a healthy relationship. However, when a partner that normally spends time with you begins to spend less time and suddenly gives excuses, there is every possibility they are cheating. When they are less around than usual, and become deceptive about their whereabouts or make excuses for why plans changed, things aren’t good.
People usually share intimate details of their day with their partner. But when they’re cheating, that tends to shift to the new fling. As a result, they end up telling you less. “When they already have someone to share this with, they might not even be aware they are no longer sharing with you.
Another example is if he or she is a type that constantly calls you multiple times a day but suddenly those changes, there is a possibility they are cheating.
Paul Coleman, Psy.D., author of the book Finding Peace When Your Heart Is In Pieces said, “Cheaters have to make time for their fling and that usually comes from time you once spent together. Also, if the affair has gone on for a while, there may be demands placed upon them by their paramour to spend more time together”.
Again, it’s perfectly OK and expected to ask your partner what’s going on when they’re suddenly not around as much as usual.
Sign #2 – Unusual anger or insecurity around you
If your partner is suddenly angry and frustrated with you, know that it’s probably not you they are frustrated with. Many times, they are only projecting their own fears or insecurities on you.
Cheating drains the emotional and physical energy of cheats because of the fear of being caught. They do this trying to cover their tracks. For some, they just get unnecessarily angry at you especially when you ask them questions suspecting their foul plays.
According to Lillian Glass, Ph.D. in Oprah Magazine, you can tell if your partner is hiding something if “they are rocking back and forth” when they are chatting with you. This shows a sign of nervousness.
Whether anger or insecurity, it is important to pay very close attention to changes in your partner’s behavior.
Sign #3 – Increased, Reduced or No Intimacy
Physical touches – caressing, hugs, kisses and sex all make up intimate behavior between partners. When your partner begins to reduce their intimacy towards you, deprive you of sex, always complaining of tiredness when you need to get intimate with them especially love making, then there is need for suspicion of cheat.
Most times, cheats do this because they believe they don’t need anything from you since they are having their needs satisfied by someone else.
Another thing cheats do is to increase lovemaking at home. Some do it to satisfy their partners in a bid to cover their tracks.
Sign #4 – Their phone habits change.
This is a very common sign for people that cheat. Suddenly their phone becomes too private so their secret activities aren’t caught.
This can include a range of things, like changing their password or keeping their phone on them all the time when they used to leave it sitting out.
A caveat: Some people are seriously hooked on their phones and tote them along everywhere they go, or boredom. That doesn’t mean they’re cheating. When you know this about your partner, there is no cause for alarm.
However, if they are the type that hook up to their phones but can’t easily allow you have access to their phones then there is an issue. In other case, if they get angry at you aggressively because you took their phone without their knowledge, then there is a possibility of cheating.
Sign #5 – Their friends are being weird.
There is a saying that states, “Show me your friends and I will show you who you are”. In many cases, when a person is cheating, their close friends will know about it or will also be engaged in such acts. Paul Coleman, PsyD, says that “there is a good chance your partner’s friends may know what’s really going on before you do.” Friends almost always know what is going on, and if you are desperate to get the right information before you confront your partner, friends are where it’s at.
If you can’t seem to find any evidence of cheating but you are certain something is wrong, confront his or her friends. If their friends can’t look you in the eye or are being weird about it, something’s wrong. It’s a surefire way to tell if your partner is cheating.
Don’t Ignore Warning Signs
The above indicators are all warning signs. You should always trust first, but don’t ignore red flags. It’s also important to be aware that you can’t always trust your “gut feeling.” Sometimes it’s just jealousy and insecurity creeping in. But before you approach them, pay attention to some of these signs to really ascertain your fears.
Claiming someone is cheating is a serious accusation without complete confirmation. If you are concerned about your partner’s behavior, ask them about it directly before making assumptions that they are being unfaithful. Healthy communication will help a lot. This may result in you learning the root of the problem, so you can talk through it. If your partner becomes defensive or lashes out, don’t resume the conversation until you’ve gotten support for having these challenging conversations. Reaching out to a mentor or counselor is a safe way to talk through what you’ve observed and how your partner responds.