5 lovers’ fights that don’t have to end your relationship
Lovers’ fights cannot be ruled out of a relationship.
It is the regularity of these fights that decide whether your relationship is healthy or not, not their mere occurrence.
So when you and your partner have to argue out issues and trash out difficulties in the relationship, you should always bear in mind that finding a solution to the issue is the ultimate. The more issues you overcome, the lesser the hurdles you’ll have to climb and ultimately if you are patient, if you communicate effectively and always stay focused on trashing out problems and not each other, being in the relationship will become smooth sailing.
Below we list some relationship problems that do not have to break your relationship apart:
1. When to start referring to each other as ‘we’
When your relationship gets to a stage where you and your partner refer to the future in terms of ‘we’ instead of ‘I’, it shows that you are both looking beyond the present, and have a unified mindset to be together for a long time.
But if your partner has yet not gotten to this place mentally, and you wish they were, it could make you feel scared and bothered and some type of way. But this is not enough reason to break up the relationship.
“When couples experience setbacks during that transition because they are trying to embrace an interdependent mindset, it is actually a sign of health,” says Dr. Anthony Chambers, a clinical professor of psychology and director of the Center for Applied Psychological and Family Studies at Northwestern University told NBC News.
2. Getting used to parenthood
“Relationship satisfaction goes down for all couples during the transition to parenthood. Most divorces happen during [this time], so have realistic expectations and seek help to learn strategies to cope,” Chambers explains.
“Like a bank account, you want to have enough relationship points in your account to handle the inevitable withdrawals.” she adds.
3. Issues on social media use
Instead of rushing to take the highway out of the relationship, make sure you have a conversation about what your rules of engagement are on social media before either of you get offended.
“This couple’s challenge is to use that setback as an indicator that they need to work together to create relationship boundaries that help them feel both safe and independent,” says Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a licensed American clinical psychologist and
4. Dwindling sexual desire
Feeling hot for each other could simmer down to a candle flame over time in any long term commitment. But that doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. “Early months of a relationship are fueled by sexual desire that feels effortless and organic. One of the most destructive romantic myths in our culture is that if sexual chemistry changes for a couple, it means their relationship is bad, wrong or doomed,” Solomon explains.
“It is normal and expected for sexual desire to slow and shift as a couple settles in to commitment and routine.”
5. Really different personalities
Rather than being judgemental, be objective when your partner is not so like you in their approach to life and love. So far your values align, methods do not necessarily have to. That is why there are different love languages, indicating that people’s preferences differ and it is OK for it to be like that.
“I like to have couples use the newspaper test, meaning if you put this argument on the front page of the [paper] you would find thousands of people who agree with partner A, thousands who agree with partner B, and thousands who disagree with both. Remembering that can help you approach your partner with more humility and avoid the ‘right and wrong’ argument.” Dr. Chambers tells ABC.
“It is also important to be humble when discussing differences with your partner. You may prefer doing something a certain way but that is all it is — a preference,” Dr. Chambers explains.