Love is perhaps our most powerful emotion, and the need to be in a loving relationship may be one of the strongest needs we have. Being in an intimate relationship makes us feel connected, not only to our partner, but also to the world at large. When our hearts are filled with love, we feel profoundly content and satisfied. We become more patient, more empathetic, kinder, gentler.
But personal intimacy doesn’t merely affect our emotional well-being. According to numerous scientific studies, the power of love directly affects our physical health, too, by boosting our immune system, improving our cardiovascular functioning, and increasing our life expectancy. “Love and intimacy are at the root of what makes us sick and what makes us well,”. “When you look at the scientific data, the need for love and intimacy is as important and basic as eating, breathing, and sleeping.” Here are tips to make a relationship a better one:
1. Encourage your partner to be more open with you
Sharing more of your emotions with your partner and encouraging your partner to do the same with you will help strengthen your bond. Make it a habit to confide in each other every day. Some opening questions for confiding in your partner include:
“Remember when we used to go walking and talking around the neighborhood, walking the dogs together? Let’s do that tonight… How about it?”
“What happened yesterday between us didn’t go so well, and I want to try another way — can we start over, and this time I will take some deep breaths and listen more patiently. I also want to say what works better for me and find out what you are hoping for.”
2. Be considerate of each other’s needs
In order to move forward in your relationship, you will both need to learn how to understand each other’s needs. The best way to uncover what your partner needs, and let them know what you need, is to talk about it.
If you are not sure what your spouse wants or needs, the best way to find out is to ask questions and listen. If you still are not sure, ask more questions. For example, you could say something like, “I think that what you need from me is ________. Is that what you mean?”
3. Appreciate each other
Showing appreciation through sincere compliments is an important part of a healthy relationship. Make sure that you and your partner are aware of the importance of complimenting each other and that you both know how to do it well. Good compliments should not only be sincere and specific, they should also be phrased as an “I” statement rather than as a “you” statement. For example, if your partner cleans the kitchen, don’t say “You did a nice job of cleaning the kitchen.” Instead, say “I appreciate that you cleaned the kitchen.” Using I instead of you lets your partner know how you feel, not just that you noticed.
4. Ask your partner to commit to change
If you decide that you are ready to move forward in your relationship with your partner, you should ask your partner to promise you that they will not follow the same pattern of behavior that led to the affair. Ask your partner to articulate or even write out what that behavior includes and commit to change.
5. Establish consequences to deal with the possibility of another affair
Since there is a possibility that your partner may cheat again, you should work together to establish consequences for another affair. These consequences may include things like divorce or other repercussions. You may want to get these consequences in writing and work with a lawyer to make them legally binding.
6. Get Physical
Physical intimacy is a natural — and healthy — extension of a relationship. Our best sexual intentions are often put to rest, however, as we collapse into an exhausted heap at the end of the day. Instead, you and your partner need to consciously commit to turning up the heat. Leave the dishes in the sink, turn the laptop off, and just do it! Set the mood with the sensual music, and light some calming aromatherapy candles or incense. Learn to communicate your loving energy through touch.
7. Listen Carefully
Being an attentive listener lets your partner know that his or her thoughts and feelings are important to you. Moreover, good listening encourages partners “to open up and be willing to share,” is not just to “hear” what your partner is saying, but to be truly “present,” having a heartfelt desire to understand what is being said and listening without being judgmental.
8. Know when to end the relationship
This is the last stage,nobody pray for it,if things don’t improve despite all of your best efforts and the help of marriage counseling, you may have to accept that the relationship cannot be repaired. Signs that the relationship may be beyond repair include:
• Constant fighting..
• Inability to connect with your partner.
• Inability to empathize with or receive empathy from your partner.
• Hurt and anger that does not subside with time.
• Inability to forgive your partner
