8 Things Guys Secretly Hate About Sex

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There has always been an established mythos in the bedroom that, simply because male orgasms have sadly long been prioritized over females ones, every man finds every intercourse utterly ecstatic. It’s always the woman who is left looking askance and disappointed as they are being pounded away at, while the guy is gleefully grinning simply because our dick is inside something.

Well (*prepare to have your mind blown voice*) guess what? That’s not true. We are oft just as equally disappointed, pounding away while looking askance, desperate for the lady we are with to tell us they’re too tired to continue, so we can mercifully roll over without getting off and pass the fuck out.

There are so many things guy hate about having sex. Don’t believe me? That’s fine, because I just made a whole list to convince you otherwise.

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1. We have to get hard WAY more times than you realize.

It’s never one sex, one erection. That ratio rarely, if ever, occurs. No, the path toward doing it (especially the first few times with someone) travels a sinuously hot and cold route from coming home to finally fucking. Yeah, it’s not the hardest damn thing in the world to get it up, but imagine this roller coaster: We start by kissing (hey, I’m hard), then stop to talk (that went away), followed by some mutually chest touching (is it … gonna come back?), followed by a pause to pee (which, hey, okay, I’m just gonna sit here and casually tug and hope this thing stays up).

Our dicks aren’t motorized hospital beds, which with the flip of a switch can go from lying flat to pointing up, and each time we lose it and have to start all over again, it feels like it would be easier to call it a night.

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